In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand. He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me.<\/p>\n
You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs.<\/p>\n
You think you\u2019re a big shot when you haven\u2019t the brains to realise you\u2019ll never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you\u201d.<\/p>\n
The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know the defence attorney?\u201d<\/p>\n
She again replied, \u201cWhy yes, I do.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve known Mr Bradley since he was a youngster, too.<\/p>\n
He\u2019s lazy, bygoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can\u2019t build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women.<\/p>\n
One of them was your wife.<\/p>\n
Yes, I know him\u201d. The defence attorney nearly died.<\/p>\n
The judge asked both counsellors to approach the bench and, in a very quiet voice, said, \u201cIf either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, I\u2019ll send you both to the electric chair.\u201d<\/p>\n
A police officer was being cross-examined by a defense attorney during a felony trial. The lawyer was trying to undermine the police officer\u2019s credibility.<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cOfficer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cNo, sir!<\/p>\n
But I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender, running several blocks away.\u201d<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cOfficer, who provided this description?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cThe officer who responded to the scene.\u201d<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cA fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender! Do you trust your fellow officers?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cYes, sir, with my life!\u201d<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cWith your life? Let me ask you this then officer: Do you have a locker in the room?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cYes, sir, I do!\u201d<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cAnd do you have a lock on your locker?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cYes, sir!\u201d<\/p>\n
Q: \u201cNow, why is it, officer, if you trust your fellow officers with your life, you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with the same officers?\u201d<\/p>\n
A: \u201cYou see, sir, we share the building with the Court Complex, and sometimes lawyers have been known to walk through that room.\u201d<\/p>\n
The courtroom exploded with laughter, and a prompt recess was called.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
In a trial, a small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, an elderly grandmother, to the stand. He approached her and asked, \u201cMrs Jones, do you know me?\u2019 She responded, \u2018Why, yes, I do know you, Mr Williams. I\u2019ve known you since you were a boy, and frankly, you\u2019ve been a big disappointment to me. … <\/p>\n