In a crowd, A man took out a lemon and squeezed it dry.
He said, “If anyone can squeeze a drop out of this lemon, I’ll give them $100”
Many people tried and no one could get any juice out of the lemon.
Finally, a man came up and squeezed out two drops of lemon juice.
The second man replied, “Income tax officer.”
The salesgirl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
She says, confused, “Sir, I thought you were looking for tampons for your wife?”
The Texan answers, “You see, it`s like this. Yesterday, I sent my wife to the store to get me a carton of cigarettes and she came home with a tin of tobacco and some rolling paper. So, hell, I figure that if I have to roll my own, so can she!”
A woman received a call that her daughter was sick.
She stopped by the pharmacy to get medication, got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys inside. The woman found an old rusty coat hanger left on the ground.
She looked at it and said, “I don’t know how to use this.”
She bowed her head and asked God to send her HELP. Within a minute a beat up old motorcycle pulled up. A bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag. The man got off of his cycle and asked if he could help.
She said, “Yes, my daughter is sick. I’ve locked my keys in my car. I must get home. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?”
He said, “Sure.”
He walked over to the car, and in less than a minute the car was open.
She hugged the man and through tears said, “Thank You SO Much! You are a very nice man.”
The man replied, “Lady, I am NOT a nice man. I just got out of PRISON yesterday, I was in prison for car theft.”
The woman hugged the man again sobbing, “Oh, thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!”